I'm Back

You didn't even know I was gone, huh? Thought I was ignoring you?. No, mes amies, I was off on far flung adventures helping my sister move her brood of three children from Chicago to Dallas. I was hoping to catch you all up on some farm tours that I went on last month, but the road trip, which included my cousin's wedding in Austin, went by faster than a Texas highway patrol car in hot pursuit.

I wish I could tell of you about all the fabulous urban farms that I visited and the amazing local foods that I found on my journey through Illinois, Missouri, Tennessee, Arkansas, and Texas; but unfortunately, I didn't even have time to visit Graceland! I did, however, get to partake in a teensy weensy bit of Austin's hipster food scene. That town is like a giant trailer park of awesome food trucks! And an oasis in my otherwise food desert of a trip.

Oh, the crap that people eat in this country. It's unbelievable. My greatest disappointment was in Little Rock when I attempted to buy some locally produced jams only to notice right before purchasing that they contained high fructose corn syrup, dyes, and preservatives. I put those right back on the shelf, yes I did. Though I wish I could have seen the  downtown farmers' market as it looked like it might be a happening spot on a Saturday morning.

But Austin, oh glorious Austin with your food trucks littering every corner of 1st and Congress. Finding a decent, cheap meal was as easy as catching fish in a stocked pond. My favorite spot was Torchy's Tacos, where I became acquainted with the fried avocado taco. De-fucking-licious, I tell you!

The rest of my trip was sprinkled with sub-par Mexican food joints and average sandwich shops like Schlotzky's, which I think gave me the schlitzkys, if you know what I'm saying. I can't tell you how grateful I was to arrive at SFO's Terminal 2 with its focus on sustainable foods and energy conservation, if only to remind myself why I adore living in the Bay Area food Garden of Eden. If you live in San Francisco or plan on visiting, try to fly out of or into Terminal 2 (Virgin and American use T2). It must be the only airport where entire restaurants and shops are dedicated to organic and locally produced food. God, it's good to be Home.



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They're Back

Ute and I drove up to Lake County this past weekend to retrieve our lovely goats. We went up a day early to spend some time with our friend Tina in Santa Rosa and to give the Disgruntled Farmhand some space because frankly, we don't want to find out what happens when you push a person past disgruntled. I'm sure it's ugly.

What a gorgeous weekend it was with the sun beaming full glory and not a cloud in the sky to diminish its radiance. We took a lovely afternoon stroll through the Luther Burbank Gardens in downtown Santa Rosa. Spring was in the air with all of Burbank's assortment of flowers and veggies in full bloom. For those of you not in the know, Mr. Burbank was the creator of many a splendid varieties of plants, including the ubiquitous Russet Burbank potato of french fry fame. I would hold this against dear Luther, since his potato has probably been the main force in driving out a vast number of potato varieties. But how was he to know that when deep fried, his bulbous starchy creation would become the closest thing to heaven for anyone under the age of 18, while simultaneously being a major contributing factor to our current obesity crisis in the U.S.? Who could have predicted that the Russet Burbank would become the equilvilant to a nutritional hydrogen bomb, as the repercussions would only begin to reverberate in a distant future (Burbank died in 1926)?   But I forgive Luther for all of his blind transgressions solely for the invention of the plumcot, a glorious fruit with all the tastiness of an apricot combined with the crisper, juicier texture of the plum. Let's face it, where the Divine fell short, Luther Burbank took over.

Next we headed off to Sebastapool's Rose and Thorn. Trust me when I tell you that you've never been to a shop quite like this one. The store itself is loaded with more tchotchkes than a Hindu temple, but the main attraction is the animal yard where over 50 chickens and several dwarf goats, all named after famous movie stars, roam the grounds. It's an enticing stop for a picnic replete with country charm; they've got tables and everything. They even offer up the property for getting hitched, as long as you don't mind some feathery, furry bridesmaids and groomsmen clucking and bleating throughout the proceedings. Here's some of the exotic farm friends:

We left Santa Rosa early Sunday, but not before Tina sent us off with a mini library of gardening and homesteading books from the collection of Celeste West, a radical librarian who edited the desktop published Revolting Librarians and wrote a handful of books on lesbian polyfidelity. Since the gardening books I inherited are such gems and Celeste such an interesting character, I think I will save description for a later post. Stay tuned.

When we arrived at Oops Ranch for our girls, we were greeted by Mary Jane, who could pass as the twin of the mean lunch lady, Alice, on Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, except for the fact that Mary Jane is a NICE lady. She regaled us with entertaining, albeit troublesome, tales of Ethel and Lucy's exploits. Apparently, Ethel reigned queen over the young does, always getting to eat first and teaching the youngins' all kinds of mischievous tricks, such as how to jump through the nine inch space near the top of the gate. Yes, that's my naughty, naughty goat. Meanwhile, Lucy slogged through her stay with the rest of the herd somewhere near the bottom of the totem pole. She lost a bit of weight with all the competition, while Ethel has clearly packed on some pounds. But Lucy got her job done with incredible efficiency, breeding with the buck several times the day after we dropped her off! She's my good girl.

While getting the lowdown on the girls' vacation, Mary Jane's husband Mel sauntered over to try and convince us that we needed a mini cow. Though a tempting offer from this gentleman who has probably done more than his fair share of time in a Santa Claus suit, we had to pass it up given that this doe-eyed boy might grow to 300 pounds. If you have at least an acre, you might want to think about taking him in (I can provide contact info). He looks a little wild in this pic, but he's really a sweetie.

He was terribly difficult to resist. But even more of a lure was his jealous pal Buddy who began to make the most obnoxious choking noises in a ploy to get a scratch around the ears. Poor thing. He sounded like he got one of his treat biscuits trapped in his throat and was trying to push it out through his nose. I had no idea the lengths a donkey would go to for a bit of attention. It was kind of charming, if not a little frightening.

All of us girls made it home safe and sound. To our utter amazement, we returned to a brand new/old set of stairs in the backyard made with recycled cinder blocks, a car so clean you could eat off the floor, and a spotless house. We love our Disgruntled Farmhand and suspect that maybe he's not THAT disgruntled after all.

Love Is in the Air

The goats were successfully dropped off for their month long lovefest. Well it's really Lucy's romantic getaway. Ethel is with the young does, showing off her impressive relative size, while Lucy is frolicking with the buck and nursing does. Fortunately, they are only separated by a chain link fence as they are very attached to one another. As they stood nose to nose at the fence line, I felt quite sorry for them; it's the first time they've been apart in eight months.

We had a wonderful time visiting the birth home of our girls, especially with all the one and two week dwarf goat babies running around. I can't wait until we have our own kiddies frisking about. However, the thought of having to inevitably give them away is already weighing heavy on me. Some people collect Hummels, stamps, comic books and whatnot; I collect pets. I know, I know, we're overrun with animals here, especially with the rats and everything. But seriously, how am I going to give up these 15 inch long, not more than 10 inch high, cubes of cuteness? Look!

In the right hand corner of this pic, you can see a blurry image of the stud who is going "to service" Lucy. He's quite a looker. I think they will have totally adorable babies. He might actually be Lucy's dad. Don't say "Ewww!" It's not like that with goats. I think...

I mentioned to Mary Jane, the queen of goats at Oops Ranch, that I thought Lucy was in heat a couple weeks ago so didn't know when she would come back around again. Mary Jane told me that it was common for a doe to quickly go back into estrus once she caught whiff of a buck. We took a little tour to see all the animals, mostly miniatures, that they breed and raise on the farm and when we returned to give our ladies one last goodbye (Ute teared up as if this were a final farewell, poor baby), I noticed that Lucy was showing signs that she was... well... um... ready. That didn't take long! 15 minutes of male goat stink and Lucy was in the mood for love. Look closely at her backside.

 Before we left, I saw that the buck himself was noticing Lucy's odor as it blew downwind in his general direction. I suspect this will be a successful arrangement, though I am anxious for the girls to return. I miss their silly mugs.

We've Got Trees!

A lot of them. A few weeks ago, we trekked down to Morro Bay for a bit of R & R and to pick up a mess of fruit trees, vines, and canes. Back in October, I placed an order with Trees of Antiquity, a nursery that specializes in rare, heirloom fruits and carries a fantastic selection of low chill varieties that do well in our cool summer coastal climate. Even though the trees weren't delivered until January, the beginning of fruit tree planting season around here, you have to get your order in early otherwise you might miss out on some of the more popular or harder to find items. I was a bit late with my order and consequently didn't get the pomegranate tree I wanted. But that's okay. It gave me an excuse to stop by Bay Laurel Nursery for a practically seedless, pale juice variety of pomegranate called "Eversweet".

This is the booty:

I know it doesn't look like much, but there are 10 types of fruit squished together in those bags: a White Tiger nectarine, Fuyu persimmon, Eversweet pomegranate (composing the majority of naked twigginess in the picture), Janice Seedless Kadota fig, Black Butte blackberry, Ollalieberry, Campbell Early grape, Black Emerald grape, and an O'Neal and Sharpblue blueberry.

You're probably wondering where in the hell I think I have room for all of these trees, bushes, and vines. It's a little thing called espalier, baby. That's right folks, I'm using the ancient European art of growing trees flat against a wall in order to maximize production and space. It was all the rage in the Middle Ages. I predict it will be the hottest new trend in gardening with this back to the land/urban farming movement. Right up there with the chicken.

Speaking of space, the goats are a touch bummed now that they've gotten the kibosh on free roaming throughout the yard during the day (they are in their pen at night). At first, I thought I could just block them from the baby trees with some bamboo trellises and deer netting, but those little buggers proved to be too determined for a taste of fresh buds to let mere plastic and a twig stronger than steel stand in their way. After several rousing games of "chase the goat" (damn, can those girls run fast!), in which I was repeatedly mocked by Ethel who would race over the blueberry barrels and grab a couple bites of leaves every time she passed, I decided to stockade them in a one-hour-to-build-it corral in my neighbor's backyard (more on my yard grabbing/theft to come in a future post). They have , of course, broken out twice, since the fencing is a bit dodgy and weak. But I think I've got it well jerry-rigged for the time being. Gotta keep one step ahead of those guys, otherwise I'll be shopping for fruit trees again next year.

My Computer Has a Virus and So Does My Goat

We've been back from vacation for a week and a half now, but you haven't heard hide nor hair from me because my computer has a virus... or two. I think I've cleared up the problem - thank you free anti virus software - so I will be trying to post more frequently to catch everyone up on the haps around the homestead.

Speaking of viruses, one of the goats, Lucy, has had a slight cough and runny nose since she arrived at Itty Bitty. It was such a minor issue that I figured she either had an allergy or was a little stressed by the move. However, it hasn't cleared up and recently seems to have gotten worse. We're talking full blown goat boogers here. I decided to have her checked out by a vet. And here again I found myself in that urban farming quandary: Where in the heck was I going to find a vet near SF that would see a goat? The closest place I could locate with any reliability was about an hour or so away. On Tuesday, I packed up both ladies into a large dog crate and headed off to the Cotati Large Animal Hospital. There was no way I would have taken just the one goat. Ethel would have terrorized the neighborhood with eardrum rupturing bleats. No need to draw that kind of attention. We had a nice visit with Dr. Schroer, who patiently answered all of my dumb goat health questions, which included an embarrassing query about frequent urination (I just HAD to know whether or not it was normal). She gave me a series of antibiotic shots for Lucy, whose virus seemed to be transforming into a bacterial infection, and vaccinated both goats against some kind of nasal worm thing that can occasionally be a problem in herds. I just went with whatever she said because frankly, I'm so done with having sick animals. And FYI, the bill was half of what I paid for the toe incident with the chicken.

After the vet visit, I decided to pick up some supplies at the Western Farm Center in Santa Rosa, since we were in the neighborhood and all. This is my absolute favorite farm supply store. They always have everything I need at a decent price, including organic feed. The staff are friendly and helpful, but most importantly knowledgeable in that uncocky way. If for some reason they don't know something, they'll find someone who does, the antithesis to my experiences at the feed store that is closer to our house in Half Moon Bay, where I've mostly encountered service with an attitude if, in fact, I've received any service at all. The highlight of this trip to the WFC was when Roberto, the super congenial cashier, came out from behind the register to help me load my goodies just so he could sneak a peak at the goats. How charming is that?

Our trip to Costa Rica was fantastic and we are so grateful to Maria and Jeremiah for keeping things up to snuff on the farm. I'm particularly beholden to them for standing in my stead to shepherd Miss Lorraine on her journey to the other side. I was hoping that she would hold out until our return so that our farm sitters wouldn't have to deal with the more unpleasant side of owning livestock. But this was not to be. Sweet Jeremiah held Miss Lorraine in his arms, gently stroking her feathers, as she passed. What an incredibly loving and peaceful death. We should all be so lucky to leave this world with such dignity and grace.

Here are a couple photos of farm animals in Costa Rica. The chickens are fairly similar to ours, but check out those cows!

Nebraska, the Good Life

This past week, Ute and I were visiting my parents. As many of you are well aware (let's face it, 99% of you, my precious few readers, are friends or family), I hail from a smallish town in Nebraska, population approximately 25,000. I didn't grow up on a farm or anything. Rather I would be considered "city folk" by the majority of Nebraskans since there is a Kmart AND a Walmart in my hometown. But I did grow up on the edge of town across the street from an alfalfa field, began working in the corn fields detasseling seed corn at the tender age of 12, was a member of 4-H, and raised rabbits. The latter was actually illegal. I often marvel at the fact that I would never be able to raise my current critters within the city limits of my hometown. Even though our house was situated on a rural route for mail delivery, we were technically within city limits and therefore could not keep small livestock animals within a 50 yard distance of any dwelling. And for those of you out there who are spatially challenged, 50 yards is like a long distance, even in land o' plenty small towns.

Whenever I return to my roots, I expect to eat the typical Midwestern diet and engage in the standard activities, respectively eating fast food, fast food, and more fast food, and sitting in an overly air conditioned home watching television. Well, when in Rome. However, this last visit held so many unexpected culinary and pastime delights. Here are some of the highlights:

swimming at the super awesome water park with Grammy Betty,


admiring the neighbor's flower garden on evening strolls around the block,



eating local cuisine (I was so shocked to see that this trend has reached the Midwest.) at places like The Back Alley Bakery,


which carried a wide array of locally grown, organic grains


and fancy cheeses,


and, hands down, the best kolaches I have ever eaten,


feeding ducks and ducklings at the park,


watching crazy thunderstorms with dark ominous clouds on one half of the sky and a bright shining sun on the other,


gallivanting around the county fair


where I took Ute and her cousin, Zane, on throw-up rides,


watched the 4-H pygmy goat show,


with some pretty uncooperative goats,


and saw this cute little boy win Grand Champion for his cockerel at the poultry show,


visiting my friend Dan's cabin on the North Platte River where he took us pontooning,



and frog catching,


and wading in the lovely river,


and best of all, spending quality time with the Kooy family.


What a wonderful trip! But I'm glad to be back on the farm. I know my DDF is relieved. Taking care of all the plants and animals, working at his regular construction job, and simultaneously helping build the retaining wall in the backyard has really taken its toll. And there's so much for me to do here at home. All the animals' quarters need cleaning, the chickens need feed, Miss Lorraine needs to start her 3 day injection of antibiotics for her eye infection that is not clearing up, there is a tree full of apples that needs to be picked, and a couple tons of apples that need to be processed or stored. Come to think of it, I better get off this computer and get to work.