Inadvertently Suggestive Photos of Sausage Making

I suppose it would be impossible to illustrate making wieners without it coming across as somewhat x-rated. Reader be forewarned, I cannot be held responsible for fits of giggles or the urge to make lewd jokes usually reserved for the junior high boy's locker room or a Mike Meyers' film while reading this post. Please try to exude a level of maturity equivalent to your chronological age. This won't be easy. But, you do want to learn how to make sausage, don't you?

My friend Julia mentioned on Facebook that she would be attempting her first batch of sausage. Having also never had the pleasure, I begged her to let me help (see, it's already getting kind of pervie and we haven't even gotten to the photos yet!). Julia supplied the fixings and I supplied an extra set of hands. Ute, my seven year old daughter, also joined in the fun and I have to say that I don't think we could have done it without her. If only someone could have snapped a shot of all three of us trying to crank out the bangers without getting raw meat everywhere, but of course someone had to be in charge of the camera. The following is a blow by blow account of how to make your own inadvertently pornographic food.

Equipment needed:

• meat grinder
• sausage stuffer
• hog casings
• bowls

Ingredients:

• 5 pounds meat (we used a mix of skinless chicken thighs and pork loin - I would recommend leaving skins on)
• 1 pound fat (we used about 1/4 pound of lard - we had extremely lean sausages)
• 1/4 cup whiskey
• 3/4 cup chicken broth
• 2 tsp. salt
• sauteed onions
• seasonings (we used fresh thyme)

Julia had placed all of the equipment in the freezer and refrigerator before I had arrived. This was to keep the fats cool while processing so that everything doesn't become a big gooey mess.

When I showed up, I found Julia meticulously washing out the hog casings. She opened one end of the intestine, filling it up with a good amount of water

until it looked like the start of a balloon animal.

She then drew one hand down the intestine, pushing the water through, while looping the cleaned gut with the other hand.

As the water passed through, Julia would pick out the microscopic pieces of grit.

Once the casings were clean, we focused on the meat. The semi-frozen cuts were a breeze to chop into one inch chunks, which were then mixed with the lard and thyme.

The broth and whiskey were combined

along with the 2 teaspoons of salt.

Then all ingredients were tossed.

After mixing, it was into the hopper of the grinder.

Ute cranked, while Julia fed the meat into the machine.

Then they traded places so that Ute could get her hands into the frigid, squishy mess.

Once the grinding was finished, the mixture went into the freezer to cool down before stuffing.

In the meantime, Julia cut me and Ute's hair. Did I mention that she is also our hairdresser? Freshly shorn, we moved on to setting up for the stuffing bit. This 6 inch plastic tube went inside the stuffing machine.

One end of the hog casing was put onto the plastic tube

and then the entire casing was eased onto the plastic shaft.

(Breath deeply, it gets worse.) Stuffing was placed into the stuffer and after all the air was expelled through the casing

a knot was placed 6 inches from the end of the intestines.

As Julia pressed, I guided the sausage (I told you),

helping it to form a nice even tube.

As the filling continued to expand the tube, I spiraled the sausage snake onto a wax paper lined pan.

Julia formed the links by twisting the casing every six inches, making sure to alternate rotations in opposite directions at each separate twist. For a first timer, her technique and speed were impressive.

Voila, a pan full of sausages.

The strands were hung up to settle and have the air pin pricked out of them.

I skipped this step, which didn't seem to adversely affect my half of the booty in the slightest. The sausages were most definitely tasty and the husband liked the fact that they were lean. I think on my next go around, I will make two batches, one lean and one with loads of fat. I can already feel my arteries bulging.




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